Welcome in my crazy ever-changing world. Lately I have moments I’m feeling overwhelmed by happiness. I cannot remove that smile from my face and feel so unbelievable grateful for my life and myself. There is not a clear reason why this state of happiness suddenly arises. It just is and I let it be.
And then, the next moment my world starts to tumble and I arrive in a negative dark world. It feels like I’m kicked off the top of the mountain back into the valley. I’m an expert in crying and can do that for a couple of hours with some dry breaks in between (I should look for the Guinness World of Records for crying one day). After a while my head starts to ache and feels heavy because of all the tears. I go to bed with this heavy head of mine and wake up with the feeling of a hangover. Often, there is a clear happening that brings me into this sad place. Afterwards, I often feel ashamed; why have I made such a big drama of most often something little. I feel sorry for my partner who I pulled into the drama with me.
While in Africa, I had my crying moments as well. There I learned it is not acceptable to cry unless someone died or your house burnt down. It is a sign of a weak person. I agree there are many persons who have way more reasons to cry compared with my Western comfortable life. Though, I don’t think it is a necessary a bad thing to do; it is an outlet of your emotions, what is natural – just have a look at children to confirm that.
For sure, I’ll never be that super emotionally stable person, but always will continue to experience ups and downs. That is all right and I can live with that. My personal learning curve at the moment is to balance my life a bit more – including my emotions. I’ll make the same mistakes over and over again, till I learn and grow. With hindsight, I’m grateful for the confrontations life faces me with. It allows me to develop myself and get to know myself more and more. I feel grateful for all the gurus who appear into my life in the most unexpected circumstances and appearances and who provide me with the most inspiring advice and comments.
There is so much to be grateful for and happy about. Let’s bow our heads and smile.