A new year, a new beginning. I am looking forward to the coming months full of new chances and beginnings. Not long now, till I will start my Yoga Teacher’s Training. Hopefully, it will be the year of a new exciting enjoyable job and the year in which I will receive my New Zealand residency. And in addition to that, I wish to find our own comfortable, lovely home in beautiful surroundings. But maybe all this big thinking is a bit too much to ask from life. I once again learn to be patient and to realize all the gifts life has already provided me with. I learn to be humble, especially NOW. New beginnings also mean letting go of my ‘old life and ideas’. This can be quite frightening though.
I’ve just spend my summer holiday (including Christmas and New Year’s Eve) with my family here in New Zealand. It was amazing to have my family nearby and share the holiday activities and memories with them. At times it was intense, being together with all of us for 24 hours for 3 weeks. At the same time you feel pressure to enjoy each other’s company as much as possible, because you don’t know when you see each other again. Now all five of them have left, my partner went straight back to work and I am here by myself facing the reality. I only can say: it hurts. It confuses me. I felt quite settled here in New Zealand, but being together with your close family for three weeks and then left alone with just the memories – turns my world upside down again.
Going back to my New Year’s resolutions, I have the feeling that gratefulness helps me the most right now; counting the things I’m grateful for in my life. Gratefulness is helping me with the letting go as well. The idea that the ‘perfect’ job will make me happier is sliding off my shoulders. The idea that a home with lots of space is needed urgently in 2013 is losing my grip. Even my wish to become an inspiring yoga teacher doesn’t seem to be so important anymore. What do I really want from life? I’m as ordinary as anyone else and strive for happiness, freedom and health. They are just here, now, waiting for me. If life in 2013 keeps me providing with realizations like this, I will be grateful, humble and I will even try to be patient.